There's Another Way

I was attending a conference in Las Vegas once when I recognized a man standing across the room. He was overdressed with an ill-fitting pinstriped suit and shiny shoes. I knew him because he was a booking agent for performers and we had briefly corresponded in the past. So, I took a business card out of my pocket and worked my way across the room to introduce myself.

From what I had read about this guy online, he was everything I’m not. He was always in “sales mode”, like a character in “Glengarry Glen Ross”. Everything he did, everything he said, everything he wrote, and everything he shared was designed for one thing: to close the sale and make him more money.

I’m the exact opposite. I cringe at the thought of always closing and networking makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. My approach has always been to simply be good at what I do and let my work speak for itself. I’ve always thought that all I need is one shot in front of a person to convince them that I’m worth working with.

That approach has worked well for me so far. Even during the pandemic I’ve been fortunate enough to get myself in front of people and use that opportunity to win them over. For example, back in July I did an event for Zoom. (Yes, THAT Zoom.) It was one of their regional events with a small team and I knew that I was one of many performers that they had been working with. So I prepared a special performance just for them, in hopes of setting myself apart from any of the other acts they had seen.

It’s the same mentality I have when I do a cabaret show with 4 or 5 other performers on the line-up. I always try to raise my level so that people will remember my performance long after the show. I’ll spend weeks writing and rehearsing new material just so I can blow the competition out of the water. I use those moments as personal motivation, like Michael Jordan in The Last Dance, taking everything personally and using it as ammo to destroy my rivals in the next game. I love it when people come up after those shows and say, “Everyone was awesome tonight but you were the best!” That’s what I’m going for.

I guess the show went over well back in July because it led to several other events with them, including an appearance at their annual user conference in October alongside the CEO. All it took was one time for me to convince them to work with me for good.

As I approached that booking agent in Vegas those were the thoughts that were running through my mind. Convince him to give you one opportunity and you can prove your value forever. I waited for a lull in conversation then calmly walked up and introduced myself.

You know when people are so rude that they won’t even give you the time of day? That’s what this guy was like. He was inconsiderate from the get-go, dismissive of my introduction and hardly listening to what I was saying. I told him that I knew who he was and thought we could work together. He asked what materials I had and I gestured to my card saying “it’s all on my website.” But he was barely listening.

“Listen,” he said, “You’re probably not ready. You need a lot of experience to do this. Do you have my course?”

The fucking audacity of this guy, to try to sell he his freaking course when I was just trying to introduce myself! I knew this guy had put out a $1000 marketing course with general guidance on how to book shows and work with clients, but I’d been too busy actually doing shows to have time to watch a course tell me things I already know. Plus, the reviews were lackluster so I wasn’t about to waste money on something that was already being taught better in other places.

“I don’t need your course,” I said firmly, “I’m already doing it. I just thought it’d be good for us to work together sometime."

“Take the course,” he said, “Then we can talk.”

“I’m good,” I said, “But now you have my card in case you want to do business together sometime.”

I never heard from him, but that’s okay because things kept getting busier for me. Every year since then has been busier than the year before. And I never even took his course! It’s almost like he was completely full of shit.

The problem with people like that is that they seem to think that they’ve found the only way to achieve success. The truth is, there are multiple ways to be successful. You can be the pushy salesman wearing customers out with your pitch until, completely exhausted, they finally work with you. Or, you can go the more fulfilling route and just be really good at your craft so people will remember you and always want to work with you. Either way, you already have everything you need to get to where you want to be.

I just saved you a thousand bucks!

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About Mark Toland

Mark Toland is an award-winning mind reader and two-time TEDx Speaker. His mind blowing skills have been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, NPR, WGN, Sirius XM, and more. Mark’s blog is a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a professional entertainer, full of creative thoughts for creative people. Sign up below so you’ll never miss a post.

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Less Of The Same

In college, when I was first dating my wife, we used to rent a movie to watch together almost every night. Back then we had to go to Blockbuster to pick something out.

It was always an event. We’d slowly walk the aisles and see what caught our fancy. Sometimes it was something new - an action flick or an Oscar winner, perhaps - and other times we might go for a classic. I remember jolting across the store, excitedly holding up a DVD to show Stephanie.

“This one!” I’d say in a whisper.

She’d smile and get excited, too. Then we’d wait in line, head home, and check another film off our must-see list.

I was thinking this week about how much I miss that.

These days everything feels the same. I shop for groceries, talk to clients, watch movies, read the news, order supplies, and fill my time all in one 1920x1080 window. It’s cold and lifeless and unenjoyable. There’s no separation between one activity and the next. None of it feels special. Everything happens on a screen and it all blurs together. Every single day it’s more of the same.

When you browse through Netflix in search of a new movie, you’re being shown a set of films chosen by an algorithm. It’s all based on your previous viewing history and what a computer thinks you might enjoy. But when we would walk around Blockbuster it wasn’t anything like that. There was no mission — we were waiting for a film to catch our eye and call out to us.

Sometimes it would be the box art, like a shiny case or bright colors. Other times it might be an employee pick or a recommended film. And sometimes we’d just take a gamble on a film and get really lucky. However we chose, though, it was our choice and that made it special.

We spent so much time at Blockbuster that we came up with a game to play while we were browsing the racks. We’d look at the other people in the store and see if we could match them to their car out front, based only on their looks and behavior. Sometimes we’d have to mosey around the store for twenty minutes, just so we could wait for someone to leave and see if we were right.

Those are the little moments that I miss most. Each activity was accompanied by its own unique set of characteristics: a special aroma, an endless list of inside jokes, background noise, and an atmosphere all its own. Now there’s a sameness to everything that makes it hard for me to recall when I stopped doing one activity and started the next. I’ve grown weary of that — I want less of the same.

The pandemic has exacerbated this problem. Running errands right now is a huge hassle. Lines are long, there are too many rules, and the neighborhood still feels weird. It’s just easier to automate those things, so we find ourselves ordering things online to avoid the chaos. It’s just so convenient. But I miss browsing the aisles and picking stuff out for myself. I miss being able to differentiate between the various parts of my day.

It’s not only the pandemic, though. This has been happening for a very long time. That’s why I’m on the search for more mystery. I want more things in my life to remind me of those little moments that make life worth living — typewriters, cameras, classic movies, you name it. And, I even have a podcast in the works, too.

If it seems like I’m always going on about this that’s because it’s literally all I think about. I’m more sedentary than I’ve ever been in my life. All of my work is on a computer right now and a good deal of my spare time seems to involve a screen, too. It’s driving me nuts. So, I’ve been forcing myself to break free of my addictions and search for memorable experiences in other ways.

As I often say, none of my favorite experiences have ever taken place on a screen. Not a single one. In fifty years I’m not going to count any of my screen time amongst my favorite memories. My favorite memories are all moments in the real world — when enthusiasm and serendipity collide in an unexpected and unforgettable fashion. Those are the things I’ll always remember.

There are too many to name here, but I’ll leave you with one…

It’s 2008, I’m meandering around Blockbuster looking for the perfect movie. Stephanie is somewhere else in the store, doing the same. We’re on the hunt.

And then, at the back of the store, I see it. The one. The ideal film, almost glistening in the light.

I reach for it and as I do my hand meets someone else’s hand and I look up to see Stephanie’s face. We die laughing.

“This one!”

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RELATED POSTS

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About Mark Toland

Mark Toland is an award-winning mind reader and two-time TEDx Speaker. His mind blowing skills have been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, NPR, WGN, Sirius XM, and more. Mark’s blog is a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a professional entertainer, full of creative thoughts for creative people. Sign up below so you’ll never miss a post.

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You Only Cry Once

FADE IN

INT. EVENING - UNKNOWN ELECTRONICS STORE

A man lurks in the shadows, pacing back and forth.

STORE CLERK (O.S.)
Have you made a decision, Mr. Bond?

007 walks forward out of the shadows and stops next to an array of shiny, expensive looking gadgets.

JAMES BOND
I don’t have much of a choice, do I?
If I’m going to track them down I’ll
need the best machine that money can buy.

CUT TO: Thursday Thoughts

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As a solopreneur you will inevitably find yourself needing to invest in some specific gear or materials for your business. For me that’s been technical equipment, travel gear, props, wardrobe, marketing materials, and professional assistance from people who possess skills in areas that I do not.

Something I wish I’d learned early on is that anytime I needed to buy any of those things I should have bought the best equipment possible. I should have invested in the best computer or the best camera or the best…whatever.

Yes, it’s expensive to buy the best gear. But any time I purchase a cheaper model I end up having to replace it multiple times and spending even more than I would have on the nicest gear in the first place.

A good move I made many years ago was to invest in some quality sound gear. I was doing a New Year’s Eve event outside St. Louis and the technician for the event was phenomenal. We ended up chatting for a couple hours before I took the stage. I picked his brain on gear - specifically options that would be useful for my work as a traveling, one-person crew. A week after the event I bit the bullet and ordered the gear.

Oh, it hurt. I definitely couldn’t afford it at the time. We had just moved into our first house and I was freelancing all over the place to make ends meet. But, I had a vision for what I wanted to be doing and what sort of gear would benefit my shows long-term. So I pulled the trigger and ordered that microphone.

That was over 7 years ago and I’m still using it to this day.

The same goes for my luggage. For years I dragged a couple dingy suitcases around the world. I’d watch in horror as the flight crew would carelessly throw them onto the plane or they’d come tumbling down the baggage claim. They were always in need of being replaced.

I remember speaking with another performer who said “I buy new suitcases once a year.” The HORROR! I don’t consider myself a fortune teller but I could definitely NOT see myself buying suitcases every year for the rest of my life.

So, I did my research and found a better option. (Away for anyone who’s interested, and NOT a sponsor.) I’ve been doing more shows than ever the past few years and giving my Away bags a beating. They were a little expensive initially but they’ve saved me in the long run. And yes, I’m still using them.

Now before you run out and buy all those you things you want, there is a bit of a caveat to all of this. You need to ask yourself some questions first:

Can I afford it? Do I need this? Do I need this right now? Can I wait to order this?

I’m not telling you to buy everything you need this instant. I’m telling you to invest wisely. And part of investing wisely is knowing what will benefit you, both short-term and long-term.

If you quit your job to start a YouTube Channel, you probably don’t want to buy the best camera gear out there right away. But that doesn’t mean you should just buy whatever you can afford. Do some research and find the best option in your price range. Eventually, you can upgrade it to a better model when the time is right.

Also, don’t fall into the trap of thinking gear will make you better. I built my business early on with what I had: affordable props, tattered suitcases, an ill-fitting suit. I had to get by as best I could and not worry about what else was out there. When the time was right I started upgrading my gear piece by piece. I prioritized what mattered most: sound equipment, travel gear, etc.

There are entire Hollywood movies being filmed on iPhones. The nicest gear isn’t just going to magically make your problems go away. Double down on the gear you already own and make the most of it.

Another key to all of this is to be able to recognize your own strengths so that you can make smart investments in your business.

For instance, I really enjoy puzzles. I love jigsaw puzzles, logic problems, math, and more. Expertly packing a car for a long road trip brings me immense satisfaction. A puzzle that I really enjoy is video editing. I spend hours experimenting with little projects, just to see if I can make something that I dreamed up happen onscreen. Most of those projects go unshared. It’s really just a fun hobby for me. But, occasionally I edit something for my work like this new demo for Virtual Shows:

I taught myself video editing software because it interested me. And I’m willing to spend long hours working on a project. But that might not be true for you. So maybe instead of investing in the camera gear, software, computer, hard drive, and online courses, you would be better off hiring someone to do it for you.

You may not have the time to learn everything that goes along with your business. Or, it may not interest you whatsoever. Finding someone who can help you in those areas is always a wise decision. It will give you more time to devote to the things you are good at and the end product will meet your expectations because you hired a pro to do it.

This entire post was inspired by two quotes that my wife has heard through her work as a photographer. Obviously, photographers have to invest in expensive gear for their projects and this topic is something that comes up quite often.

The first quote is that when you are thinking about investing in something you should always ask yourself “Will this make my ship go faster?”

I like that sentiment because it forces you to ask the right question. You need to know what you’re investing in and if that investment will pay off over time. If what you’re buying will help you make more money (your ship going faster) then it’s probably worth it.

Which brings me to the other quote. It’s something that I wish I’d heard years ago. A photographer my wife follows says that she always tries to buy the best gear because that way “You only cry once.”

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SCENE CONT'D

Bond picks up a small computer and gazes at it with trepidation. He pulls a silver credit card from his breast pocket.

STORE CLERK
A wise decision, sir.

JAMES BOND
I'd like to think so.
(Beat.)
You know what they say...

STORE CLERK
What's that, Mr. Bond?

JAMES BOND
Buy the best now...and
you only cry once.

CUT TO: OPENING CREDITS - THEME MUSIC PLAYS

Removing Barriers

A couple months ago I wrote about the fulfillment I was getting from virtual shows. Online shows meant I had removed all of the mundane tasks that usually came with doing a performance.

Since then I’ve been trying to find other ways to remove barriers from other parts of my life.

I got our piano tuned and redesigned the area around it. There’s nothing blocking my path to it now and nothing sitting on top of it. I just sit down, lift the cover, and play.

While my feet are healing I’ve turned to cycling. Living in a high-rise makes it a bit of a process: usually my bike is way back in the corner of the apartment, so I’ve been having to lift it over my desk, through a doorway, maneuver it around a corner, and out the door. So, we put a stand right next to the front door to make it easier. Now, it’s not such a hassle. I see it every day and get excited to use it.

Having to do so many virtual shows has forced me to keep my desk clear, which means I’ve been able to get more work done. I’ve been writing even more than usual, playing my keyboard at the desk, and even editing some long-forgotten video projects.

The point is that there will always be things that stand between where you are now and what you hope to be doing. Those barriers may be few or many, but they’ll always exist. The goal is to eliminate as many of them as possible so that the distance between you and that thing, whatever it may be, gets shorter and shorter. Eventually, you barely even notice the barriers. You’ll just think to yourself “I want to do X” and then BAM! you’re doing it.

When I do live shows I’m my own director, producer, head of marketing, box office manager, graphic designer, travel agent, scriptwriter, and more. Not to mention that I also have to perform the show! It gets to be pretty exhausting and as a result, I get burnt out and start to dread doing it. Even the show itself.

So, the last time we did a show I bit the bullet and hired some people to do the things I didn’t want to do. Yes, it was more money (more on that next week) but it was worth it in the long run. It freed me up to focus on what I’m best at: writing and performing.

I know this sounds obvious, but how often do you find yourself facing a series of annoying tasks that you have to do first just to be able to do something you enjoy? It happens to me all the time.

Doing virtual shows forced me to rethink many aspects of my life. One second I’m clicking the play button, the next I’m live on the internet doing a show. Nothing else stands in my way between what I was just doing and what I’m meant to be doing.

So, what else could I simplify in my life? Turns out, just about everything.

We used to have a studio across town. In the beginning it was exciting. We’d go there all the time just to get creative. But over time, it became a bit of a hassle to drive over, find parking, and drag our gear inside. Then, they closed down the surrounding area for construction and we started only going over for appointments.

So, we set out to find a new studio with easier access and fewer barriers to success. Our new location is perfect. It’s within walking distance, so there’s no excuse to be there as often as possible. It’s smaller, which makes it easier to keep our sights focused on one project at a time. And, it’s cheaper, so we’re less worried about the financial risk and pushing ourselves creatively and artistically in ways we weren’t able to before.

What else?

I pay a little more for my gym membership. Not because it’s nicer (it is) but because of proximity. No need to take the bus or train to workout. I only have to walk a clock from home and then I can get to work.

Part of my foot rehab is to stretch every day, so I’ve made a yoga area at home. The gear used to be stored in a closet out of reach, but not any more. Now it’s there when I need it and is easy to utilize at a moment’s notice.

I could go on and on. This isn’t some huge revelation but it is something that’s been helping me in my life and might help you, too.

Basically, my goal is to make doing whatever I want in life as easy as spending money online. A maximum of two clicks, one if it’s Amazon prime. You know how it goes… “Hmm do I really need a bright pink spatula with a UFO on it? Well, it’s only 10 bucks…” Before you know it, you’ve added it to your cart and clicked “FINISH ORDER”. Then, twelve hours later, the spatula arrives in a box five sizes too big.

That’s how easy it should be to do the things you want to do. Although, fair warning, sometimes doing the things you want in life take a little bit longer than one day delivery…but that’s okay. I don’t need stuff INSTANTLY…I’m willing to be patient, as long as it’s for the things I enjoy.

UPDATE: Six Months Without Social Media

It’s been six months since I deleted my social media accounts. Six months without constantly scrolling Twitter, without trying to build my Instagram following, and without constantly updating my Facebook page with upcoming show announcements.

After a month I finally started breaking the urge to check my phone every five minutes. Not having those apps on my phone or computer meant there was no need to constantly check my devices. Plus, eliminating those apps caused me to eliminate other apps that were wasting my time, too. Now my phone only has one main page of apps and I’m trying to whittle it down even more. I only use apps that are necessary for my business (banking, calendar, show tech, air travel, hotel), health (meal tracking, running tracker, gym membership), city use (parking, GPS, weather), productivity (to-do lists, reminders), and creativity (photo, video, podcasts, music).

No YouTube, no news apps, no e-mail, and no games. I’ve tried to make my phone as unappealing as possible. Deleting my social media was a gateway drug to eliminating even more distractions from my life and now I’M AN ADDICT! GIVE ME A HIT OF THAT PURE, UNINTERRUPTED FREE TIME BABY!!!!

That was my observation after one month. At that time I was curious about three other things:

1. Would anyone even notice I had left social media?
2. Would anyone try to talk me back onto it?
3. Would my business suffer?

The answer to number 1 is a resounding NO. No one cared. No one noticed I was gone and no one asked about it. The truth is, any friendships that mattered were real life, in-person relationships with my closest friends. Everything else online were shallow connections that were part of a total of “fans” or “followers”. They weren’t real friends and, as such, they didn’t know I went missing and I haven’t missed them either.

I’m still in touch with the people that matter and when we see each other we actually have things to talk about.

As for Number 2, there have been a few people tell me it’s a necessity for what I do. Management, agents, friends, even family have been somewhat insistent that social media is a requirement for success in my field. But, I’ve resisted their calls. If major celebrities can succeed without it, then surely I can, too. There have to be other ways to find success as an entertainer, right?

Which brings us to Number 3. Has my business suffered without social media?

NO! It hasn’t. If anything, it’s getting better because I have more time to focus on things that actually make my show and business better, without getting caught up in the constant need to create content for various online accounts. And, inquiries for my services have stayed the same which means people weren’t finding me through social media before and they definitely aren’t now.

There are a few annoying things. The media loves to quote twitter or instagram comments like it’s actual news. It’s ridiculous. And I’m blown away at how many times some of my friends say something like “Did you see such-and-such on facebook?” without realizing how weird it is to be so fully immersed in a world that only exists online.

After a few months, things got pretty normal without social media. I was using my phone differently. I was reading more and spending my time doing other things. I wasn’t thinking about other people’s instagram posts or worried about someone’s comment on my facebook feed. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about twitter, instagram, or facebook at all.

Then, just a couple weeks ago I realized something else interesting had happened to me. I was no longer feeling the impulse to share everything I saw. I mean, it had been happening for months but it was the first time I realized it. I wasn’t compelled to snap a photo of a sunset or the skyline for my followers any longer. I didn’t even want to take a photo at all. I was just experiencing things as they happened.

Without those impulses I’ve successfully been able to rewire my brain and return to life pre-social media. I was back to getting the most out of my day-to-day existence without the need for “likes” and “shares”.

When I see something interesting now I think of individual people that would enjoy it. It’s just so much better to think “Wow! Frank would really love that” and tell them about it, than needing to update my instagram story because I need to “stay current” or whatever.

When people find out I don’t have social media I’m usually met with the same response: “Oh, I’m so jealous! I wish I could do that.” Even so, they always have offer some pushback, too. Here’s a few concerns I’ve actually heard:

• “You don’t have social media? But, where do you get your memes?” (Kill me, now.)
• “Don’t you want to know what’s going on in the world?”
• “I can’t do that because my groups and clubs are on there…” (The list goes on and on.)

As Cal Newport writes in “Deep Work”, all of these concerns are very minor. They aren’t things that are contributing greatly to your life. If anything, these things are getting in the way of what (I suspect) you really wish you were doing.

Of all of those concerns the only one that really stands out is the need to be informed. Memes are a waste of time and your groups might feel important but are they really? Do you really think they’re making you better? Or, are they making you constantly compare yourself to other people or keeping your head filled with other people’s ideas? Just a thought…

Staying informed is important, especially in our current situation with the pandemic, protests, an election year, and the biggest race series of all-time. Without social media you can still be aware of what’s going on.

I read The New York Times (except for some of their awful op-eds), The Atlantic, and more. I listen to news podcasts and tune-in to limited news for major updates. And, I get neighborhood alerts when things like traffic shut-downs and protests are affecting my area. Yes, the information takes a little longer to get to me but that’s the idea. I don’t need to know things the moment they happen because that’s not a healthy way to live.

The interesting thing about everyone I’ve talked to is that it seems everyone hates their life on social media but they think it’s impossible to break away.

Up until now I’ve been telling people “I’m not telling you to delete social media, but it’s been really good for me” but I think I’m done with that. I want you to come over to the dark side with me.

QUIT SOCIAL MEDIA.

Do it. You’ll be so glad you did. You don’t need it like you think you do. And your life will be much better.

Do it because you’re reclaiming your time and using your hours for better things.

Do it because you care about your privacy.

Do it because social media companies are destroying democracy.

Do it because, deep down, you’ve been meaning to for a long time.

Now’s the time. Start today and you’re only six months behind me.

See you on the other side.

Preparation

Once I was doing a thing at a place for some people and we were asked to look over a script before we arrived. We weren’t supposed to memorize or rehearse it, just glance over it to see if there were any questions or changes to it.

So naturally, I gave it a once over the morning of my commitment to make sure I was familiar with everything. I read through it once to myself and once out loud to have a better idea of what we would be working on. It was literally the least I could do.

Upon arrival my contact began to review the script, noting the main points for me to be aware of. I nodded and said “Yes, I noticed that when I looked through it. Everything looks great.”

She looked up, aghast. “You know,” she continued, “I send scripts to people all the time and no one ever looks over these things. Thank you for being prepared.”

I always try to be prepared, no matter the purpose. I’ll take extra supplies, research the area, memorize the schedule, or study the materials beforehand. Whatever the project, I want to go above and beyond so people know they can rely on me and will trust me for future projects, too.

The thing is, most of the time my preparation doesn’t matter. A lot of time when I over-prepare no one even cares. They don’t notice that I spent extra hours doing my homework to make sure I was ready for them.

The more often that happens the more I want to stop preparing at all. Just when you think you should stop, someone finally notices that you took the time to do something that few people ever do. And when that lady thanked me for being ready, I learned at least two valuables lessons:

First, you should always over-prepare. If someone asks you to look over a script - print it out, highlight it, and read through it a few times. Bring the supplies they asked for, arrive early and stay late. Do the little things that matter, not because you need recognition, but because it feels good to be thorough and to exceed someone’s expectations - whether they notice or not.

Second, the people who do notice your attention to detail are the people you really want to be working for. All of those times preparing for people who took it for granted are practice for the people who will recognize your hard work. When they realize you sweat the details they’ll be grateful because they likely sweat the details, too.

The Roman philosopher Seneca is credited with saying “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” I think of that quote often, especially when my preparation goes unnoticed. It always reminds me to keep going above and beyond, whether it matters or not. Eventually your hard work is going to pay off and you’ll wind up creating your own luck.

Just a quick reminder this week to always over-prepare and over-deliver, regardless of the project. You may end up getting that big promotion, a raise, a repeat booking, or your dream role - you never know. But mainly, I want you to do the work like I do so I won’t have to wait for everyone to catch up at the start of every meeting I go to.

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Other Thoughts:

• I’m not really familiar with his work, but Bert Kreischer has found an awesome new way to go on tour this summer. Talk about embracing the moment.
• A few days ago, hundreds of people peacefully marched past my apartment in protest. Here was the view from above:

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Mr. Frank

In high school my drama teacher introduced me to a person who would change my life. Since then this person has pushed me to be a better version of myself, they’ve forced me to be more creative, and they’ve never let me settle for mediocre when they knew I could do better.

Now, it’s your turn. Allow me to introduce you to…Mr. Frank.

Mr. Frank is always there when I need honest criticism. Mr. Frank doesn’t say things to make me feel better, he only speaks the truth. Mr. Frank tells it like it is.

“Hello, I’m Mr. Frank...Brutally Frank.”

When my drama teacher needed to give us feedback on an assignment he would say “Allow me to be Mr. Frank for a moment. First name Brutally…” Then he’d proceed to give (sometimes harsh) feedback to help us improve. But since it was Mr. Frank speaking we knew not to take it personally. Deep down we knew that Mr. Frank only wanted to help us.

Mr. Frank always has your best interests in mind. Sometimes what Mr. Frank says may hurt your feelings or piss you off, but Mr. Frank doesn’t care. Mr. Frank is just being honest.

Everyone needs a Mr. (or Mrs.) Frank in their life. It could be your wife or husband, your creative partner, your brother, your sister, your teacher, your mom or your dad. It just needs to be someone you trust to be honest when you need feedback. But you have to promise to never get offended when they speak the truth. We all need Mr. Frank’s feedback to help us get better but we have to be willing to listen, learn, and improve - all without getting angry or refusing to accept the help.

The thing is, it's really easy to find Mr. Frank. It’s much harder to learn to listen to him. Being willing to accept harsh criticism without taking it personally is a skill that you have to work at. You have to develop a thick skin and be willing to let Mr. Frank tell you all the things you’re doing wrong. But if you can get there - if you can be gracious and accepting of that feedback - then you’ll never miss out on Mr. Frank’s insights.

Just remember: Mr. Frank wants to help you. So when Mr. Frank speaks, shut up and listen. Don’t react or get defensive. Don’t allow yourself to become upset. Just listen quietly, accept the feedback, and say thank you. That’s how you will get better.

“Hello, I’m Mr. Frank. How can I help you?”

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Other Thoughts:

• Here’s some Quarantine Mind Reading for you:

Embrace The Moment

Remember a few weeks ago in the before times? Back when you could shake hands with a stranger and find toilet paper any time you needed it?

Well, before the pandemic shut down life here in Chicago and the rest of the world, some of my colleagues were already telling me to move to “virtual shows”. In the beginning I was skeptical - I’m a live entertainer, a theater purist, a lover of the stage - I didn’t want to do shows over the Internet. I resisted the idea because the pandemic didn’t seem serious yet and because it just felt like a corporate money-making decision and not an artistic one. Besides, I didn’t have a clue what I’d perform in an online format anyway.

In mid-March, over my last weekend of "normal” shows, I mentioned the “virtual” format to my friend Jan. And she said, “Oh you have to do that! Be part of what’s going on.”

It was such a simple and thoughtful sentiment that it instantly changed my perspective. I realized that the virtual programs were a serious opportunity to entertain people and distract them from this crisis, if only for a brief moment. It was no longer a business decision - it was a human one. Taking my shows online meant I could connect with people in a time when connection is hard to come by.

Transforming my show into a virtual format has not been easy. First, I needed a good studio set-up, so my wife helped me create a backdrop at one end of my office. We added studio lighting, an HD camera, and professional audio to improve the look of the livestream, too. Then, I started working on material.

Everything in my stage show involves people onstage and in-person, so I had to throw it all out the window and start new. I combed through my library, consulted with some friends, and slowly built out the show. Before long I had nearly an hour of brand new material for “ The Virtual Mind Reading Show”.

What’s fun about this whole process is that I’ve been too busy working on everything that goes into the livestream to have any time for creative doubt or second thoughts. It reminds me of how I felt when I was living in Los Angeles right after I got out of college. I had no money and no connections, so I did everything that came my way - good, bad, and awful. But, I was happy because I was working hard and making the most of each opportunity.

That’s how I feel with the virtual shows, too. I can’t think “Oh, that’s not a good idea…” or “That will never work…” because there’s not enough time. I have shows on the schedule and people relying on me, so I just keep solving every problem that comes my way because there’s no other option.

I’m not bored or lonely during this period of self-isolation because I’m working on ways to use what I do to improve the lives of others.

Are you making the most of this time, too?

It’s easy to feel alone or bored or scared or worried right now. But, seeing how there isn’t really another choice, you should do all the things you’ve been meaning to do. Don’t question them, just dive in and get going.

Use this time wisely. Find new, meaningful ways to connect with others. Be part of what’s going on. Embrace the moment.

That’s what I’m doing and I feel so much better about things already.

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Other Thoughts:

• This situation makes me think of one of my favorite TED Talks.

• Starting next week I’m going to be moving to a twice-weekly posting schedule. Check back Monday for a new series on the blog!

• I’m using the rest of April to tackle some creative projects. I made a reading list, a watching list, and have some writing projects, too. I’d love to hear how you’re spending the time or some suggestions on how to spend mine. E-mail me back or let me know in the comments.

The Mystery of the 7th Book

When people ask me how I got into this I always say the same thing.

“I learned everything from books!"

It’s true. I grew up in a small town. There were no other performers I could learn from or videos I could watch (these were the pre-internet days) so I spent most of my time at the public library reading every magic book I could.

Back then if you wanted to find me between school getting out at 3pm and catching a ride home with my dad two hours later, you only needed to look back in the corner of the library at the legendary position of 793.8 in the Dewey Decimal System. Those were the call numbers for the magic books - all seven of them.

I learned everything I could from those books. I’d check one out and read it cover to cover. Then, I’d swap it for the next one and so on. Those seven books were all I had and I must have read them dozens of times throughout my childhood.

Over the years I’ve been trying to track down those seven books to add to my collection. Some were harder to find than others. I found one at a used book store in the Chicago suburbs and another one in a garage sale. A friend gifted me the Houdini book I was looking for and I tracked a few of the others down at conventions.

But there was always one book I couldn't find. It was a book by The Amazing Kreskin, one of my first introductions to the fine art of reading people’s minds. For some reason, I’d never come across the book in my travels.

That is, until recently. I was between shows in Maine when I wandered into a used book store. I walked up to the counter with my usual query.

“Do you have any magic books?”

The lady behind the counter barely looked up, gesturing to the back of the store with a wave of her hand.

I walked down the aisle and spotted a small section of books on the bottom shelf. As I knelt down for a better look I noticed a book had fallen onto the floor behind the shelf. I reached between the other books, lifted it out, and there it was: the seventh book!

My collection was complete. After years of casually assembling my collection, I finally had my hands on the full set of books that set me down the path toward my eventual career. Those books had defined my life since I was in kindergarten. Especially the Kreskin one.

I absentmindedly flipped through the book and noticed an inscription in the front. The book was signed to someone else.

I’m not sure who that other person was or where he got it signed. I’m not sure what journey the book took to wind up in my hands in Portland, ME after all those years. But I like to think that in some mysterious way we were on a collision course and it was only a matter of time before I found it.

Why do I say that, you ask? Because Kreskin had autographed it for another person - ANOTHER PERSON NAMED MARK. But now, I like to think he signed it for me.