I took two years of Spanish in high school. I got A’s in all four semesters but I didn’t really learn the language. I could answer questions on tests, count to diez, and remember simple phrases. But, try with all my might, I couldn’t truly express myself.
My childhood was full of music. We had instruments everywhere. A drum set, two clarinets, two saxophones, and two pianos. My brother and I played in the jazz ensemble and sang in choir. My sister was a remarkably talented pianist. (She played at the freakin’ White House in college!) I practiced and played but I just never got quite that good at any of my instruments.
I liked singing more. So I listened to Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole. I danced to “West Side Story” and “Singin’ In The Rain” in my bedroom, pretending to be the leading man. In college I got my BFA in Musical Theater. Basically I had two degrees: one in Acting and one in Vocal Performance.
I took Music Theory and Voice Lessons. I worked hard. But it never quite came together. I don’t think I ever fully grasped the technique that would take me to the next level. I never understood the language of vocal performance, thus I never could fully let go and truly express myself.
But I’ve noticed a change in my performances lately that wasn’t there before. I’m starting to get a hang of this mind reading thing.
Fluency feels good. Being a “master of your domain” gives you a confidence that is hard to describe.
Imagine being trapped in your childhood home. Except there’s no light. It’s completely dark and you can’t see a thing. Could you find the door and get out? Of course! Because you know your childhood home like the back of your hand. It’s embedded so deep in your memory that you don’t even have to think about it.
It’s just there.
That’s what it feels like to know your craft so well that you can fully speak the language. That’s what mastery feels like.
I’m not saying I’m an expert at what I do. There are books I will never read and techniques that I will never fully master. But being a performer is the skill in which I am most well-versed. I understand it like no other skill I’ve ever attempted.
I know what it feels like to control a roomful of strangers. I know when to raise or lower my voice for extra impact. I understand where to stand and can anticipate what unplanned event is about to take place.
It’s not psychic or intuition. It’s having such a strong grasp of what I do that I’m prepared for nearly every eventuality that will occur. And when something new happens that I didn’t see coming, I don’t panic. I know that I have the skills to handle it and get back on track.
It’s taken two decades, but I finally speak the language.