Value What You Do

Incredibly, even though I’ve been a professional entertainer for over a decade, I still get occasional requests to work for free. People want me to “donate my time” or promise that their event will lead to “tons of free exposure”. As recent as last year someone asked me to do a show in exchange for some gift certificates at their restaurant. I turned them down.

When I was just starting out I might have jumped at the opportunity to get my name out there. Back then it felt foolish not to seize every opportunity that came my way but now, with ten years of experience, I see things differently.

So, to the artists, actors, musicians, comics, magicians, or other performers who might be reading this, let me help you out. When someone approaches you with promises of “exposure” in exchange for free work - DON’T DO IT.

Take it from me: Not a single bit of the work I gave away ever led to anything substantial. If anything, the people that I donated work to would realize I was a nice guy and continued to take advantage of my services in other ways. Plus, if anyone saw me at one of those events they were probably looking for discounted work, too.

Many of my artist friends have a hard time valuing what they do. Some don’t have a clue what to charge and others cringe at the idea of charging at all. It may be out of your comfort zone, but no matter your art form you should charge what you’re worth just like you would in any other field.

Take what I do, for example: When I travel for gigs I’m not just working for a 45 minute show. I’m actually giving away nearly 36 hours for one event. I’m literally spending almost one regular work week just to travel across the country and back for one job! So, I have to charge accordingly - hotel, travel, preparation costs, fuel, luggage, performance, experience, and more all factor into how I set my fee.

Just last weekend I found myself delayed at an airport on the west coast. My morning flight was cancelled and I rebooked on a different airline headed to the alternate airport in Chicago. I had plans that evening but luckily my flight landed back home just in time. I took an Uber home to change, then another Uber on to a concert with my wife. Then, after the show we took yet another Uber to the other airport to get our car before driving home. A simple flight home turned into a much more expensive flight and three additional cab rides across town.

It would be impossible to afford to deal with travel changes if I wasn’t firm in my fee and willing to value my work. And that’s the key - you have to understand your worth and be willing to say no to people that don’t value your work like you do.

Here’s the best advice I can give you: set a price and don’t come down on it. When people try to haggle with you, say “NO” and explain why you charge what you do. It may be difficult to let work slip away at first but over time people will understand that you mean business and they will value your craft like you do. In a year, increase your rates and start all over again. You’ll be glad you did.

People would never ask a plumber or contractor to work for exposure. They would never tell their attorney that they would be sure to “tell all of their friends about them” in exchange for their services. It’s something very unique to entertainers and artists. But, that doesn’t mean it’s okay.

The next time someone asks you to work for "gift certificates” just tell them that you called your landlord and sadly they don’t accept gift certificates in exchange for your rent. Or, just forward that cheapskate a link to this post.

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Other Thoughts:

• Jules Darling did this awesome sketch of me during a show in Chicago last week! Check out more of their work on Instagram.

• Tomorrow night I'll be reading minds at a special Valentine’s Day edition of The Magic Penthouse. I’m also part of an incredible lineup this weekend at The Lincoln Lodge. Get your tickets here.

• I was super pumped that “Parasite” won the Oscar for Best Picture. If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for? Don’t read anything that might spoil it - just watch it. It’s easily one of the best movies I’ve seen in a really, really long time.

Elevate

Whatever you do in life, whatever your career or hobby or part-time job might be, promise me one thing: Promise me that you will never trivialize what you do. It’s disrespectful to yourself, your colleagues, and people that might be interested in your endeavors.

Don't get me wrong - you don’t have to take yourself seriously, but you should take what you do very seriously. You should always be aiming to elevate what you do so that people will respect it and appreciate it on a higher level. Diminishing what you do with self-deprecation or lame jokes creates a negative stereotype of your craft that you should work hard to avoid.

My only examples of this are from within the entertainment world where I spend the majority of my time. I have a magician friend who thinks it’s clever to make self-deprecating jokes about what he does, such as “I don’t really tell jokes…because being a magician is already a joke” or (after doing an obviously difficult demonstration of skill) “Are you surprised that I don’t have a girlfriend?”.

I’m not trying to call out a friend here. In fact, you could attribute those jokes to many magicians and they would still apply. And that’s the problem. Making those sorts of jokes creates a negative impression of magic in the minds of the audience. And if there are multiple performers out there doing it then not only is it unoriginal but it’s reinforcing the childish opinion of magic that many audience members may already have.

When I go to another performer’s show I always watch the audience. I’m always trying to learn, so I watch to see how engaged they are and if they’re enjoying the performance. Are they leaning forwards? Or are they on their phones? Are they whispering to each other in amazement or out of boredom? Are they rolling their eyes or fully immersed in the performance? Are they enjoying the show?

If you casually watched my friend’s performance you might think the audience was enjoying those jokes. After all, they’re laughing and smiling so it’s all good, right?

Wrong.

Upon closer inspection you’d notice sections of the audience starting to shift uncomfortably. I can tell the audience members are thinking to themselves “Wait, I paid $100 a ticket to see some guy feel sorry for himself and tell me how dumb this is?”

This kind of performance gives our art a bad name. It makes people view it as a distraction or something trivial. And it makes it harder for someone that takes it seriously (like I do) to get other people to do the same.

What I wish my friend would do is to ELEVATE our craft. I wish instead of diminishing the time he spent learning something by admitting he “doesn’t have a girlfriend” that he would explain to the audience that they’re about to see something “so wondrous that you’ll remember it for the rest of your life”. I don’t want him to say that his career is “a joke” because that implies that mine is, too. Yeah, they’re laughing but those are easy laughs. Work harder, man.

I don't for a second believe that magic or mentalism is the most important thing in the world. I’m not fighting fires or curing diseases. I’m just an entertainer, that’s all. But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take what I do seriously. Entertainment is still important. We need entertainers to transport us, if only for an hour, so we can get away from the struggles we all go through on a daily basis. That’s the joy of what I do and why I do my best not to trivialize it.

Years ago I heard a magician share this poem on an old VHS tape. It’s stuck with me ever since:

I saw them tearing a building down,
a gang of men in my home town.
With a heave, and a ho and a “yes yes” yell,
they swung a beam and a side wall fell.
I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled?
Like those you would use if you had to build?”
He laughed and replied “Oh no, indeed!
The most common labor is all I need.
You see I can destroy in a day or two,
what it would take a builder 10 years to do!”
I thought to myself as I went on my way,
which of these roles am I willing to to play?
Am I the one that is tearing down?
As I carelessly make my way around?
Or am I the one that builds with care?
So that my craft and community are better because I was there?
- Anonymous

Whether I’m performing for 15 people or 15,000, I always use my show as an opportunity to elevate what I do in the minds of the audience and give them a night to remember. I’m cognizant that I’m a representative of my industry and what I do will affect other people that do it, too.

So, my question for you is this: Are you elevating what you do? No matter your field, please find ways to share your passion and get others to respect it, too.

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Other Thoughts:

• I finally made it out to Morton Arboretum to see the Troll Hunt. It was so fun! You only have through June to see it, so don’t miss out.

• A busy week ahead of travel and shows for private events, but you can catch me LIVE at The Magic Penthouse and The Lincoln Lodge.

Legacy

In the early nineties, my father answered the home phone and I watched as the color drained from his face and a sadness washed over him. I later learned that his father, my grandfather, had passed away and from across the kitchen I had seen the moment my father heard the news for the first time.

That was the first time I was confronted with mortality.

I couldn’t help but remember that moment as I read about the passing of Kobe Bryant over the weekend. I have nothing new to add to the multitude of articles being written but he was still a huge influence on my childhood.

When I was 10 years old I’d dribble my favorite basketball on the driveway and pretend I was just like Kobe. I had no fantasies of being a professional athlete but seeing Kobe go straight from high school to the pros made me believe that I could go places, too, if I’d just work hard every single day.

Growing up in a small town in the pre-internet days, it was tricky to find a role model that made me believe I could move away and be successful. Things weren’t as accessible then. Celebrities (and their stories of success) felt more out of reach than they do now and it was hard to relate to their journeys from my lonely driveway in southeast Kansas. But Kobe (and later LeBron James) were different, along with a small handful of other talented athletes, entertainers, writers, and more. For some reason, seeing Kobe and LeBron make the jump to the pros made everything seem possible.

I heard a great quote recently but I have no idea who said it: “There are two types of people in a small town: those who have to leave and those who can’t.” I was always the former. From a young age, I wanted out. I wanted to move to the big city to chase my dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my hometown - I just wanted more.

I found more of what I wanted in my life with Stephanie in Chicago. From traveling worldwide for my tour dates to embracing the diverse culture of one of the biggest cities in the world, I’m so glad I ended up here. But seeing a legend die so young made me wonder: Am I doing enough? Am I working hard enough? Can I do more to leave a positive impact on people? Even in death, Kobe continues to inspire and motivate.

I may not ever be one of the greatest who ever lived. I will never own a private helicopter or a mansion in Calabasas. I won’t win a world championship or become MVP. But I do care about my legacy and how I’m impacting the people around me. Kobe’s death (and that call many years ago) are a couple of the many ways that I’ve been reminded of how fragile life can be.

I don't know the true meaning of life but what I’ve tried to do is find something that I enjoy doing and make the most of it. I’m trying to spend every day doing my endeavors to the best of my ability so I can be proud of my work. And I try to use my talents to connect with other people and create joy in their lives.

There are doctors, scientists, nurses, and many other heroes out there doing far more important work - I understand that. But this is where I’ve ended up and I’m going to pour my entire being into it until I can’t any longer.

I hope that years from now, when someone gets a call about me, that they’ll look back fondly at the ways I relentlessly pursued my goals and it will inspire them to do the same.

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Other Thoughts:

• Currently Reading: “Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell

• Another good thing about being off of social media was that I found out the news about Kobe in a healthy fashion. I drove up past Milwaukee for a show over the weekend and opened The New York Times app to see the top stories. It was still shocking, but at least I wasn’t reading people’s conspiracies or TMZ’s clickbait. I was reading the facts that had been assembled and verified.

• Catch me at The Magic Penthouse in February and the Chicago Magic Lounge in March!

Respond Accordingly

My college roommate was seven feet tall. He still is. He was a starter for the basketball team and now plays professionally overseas. We couldn’t go anywhere together without someone asking him one of two questions:

“How tall are you?” or “Do you play basketball?”

No matter how exhausted or rushed he was he would always answer their question with a serious answer. The people he talked to would always light up when they realized how friendly and interesting he could be.

No matter your career you probably get asked the same questions again and again, too. For me it’s questions like:

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Are you really psychic?”

“Do you read your wife’s mind?”

“What are you doing in my living room?”

The list goes on and on. It would be easy to get tired of answering the same questions repeatedly but I try not to. Like my former roommate, I always treat the people I meet with respect and try to answer their questions as fully as I possibly can.

Several years ago I went to see a fellow performer’s show and stayed to celebrate with them afterwards. While we were hanging out an audience member approached and I could tell they were gearing up to ask my friend a question.

“Great show!" they said. “How long have you been doing this?”

“About two weeks!" my friend responded with a laugh. Everyone around us laughed, too, except for me and the audience member. I watched their expression turn from excitement to disappointment and had a realization: they really an answer to their question.

This person had probably been trying to work up the confidence to approach us for a long time. They had enjoyed the show and wanted to personally thank my friend for the performance. They weren’t aware that they were asking a question that performers always get asked - they were just trying to express interest in what they’d just witnessed.

My friend had heard that question many times and over the years developed a response that he always gave. Unfortunately, he was forgetting that a funny comeback can often end up seeming dismissive or rude.

It doesn't matter what your line of work is you should anticipate that you’re always going to meet people who are interested in what you do and you should respond accordingly. If you were meeting a person you look up to you then you want them to do the same for you.

The great thing about getting asked the same questions repeatedly is that you can prepare your responses. I don’t mean a canned, hacky response like my friend gave, I mean to actually think out a good way to respond that is succinct, interesting, and can move the conversation in a more interesting direction. Besides, you never want to be dismissive because you never know who you might be talking to. It could be a potential client, a lifelong fan, a new agent, or a person who could make or break your career.

For example, here’s how I respond when people ask me how long I’ve been doing this:

“Over 20 years! I started doing magic of the mind when I was about 4 years old and then ended up going to theater school to study performance. I was doing so many gigs to make extra money during school that after I graduated I decided to do it full-time and I haven’t looked back since!”

I think this is a far better approach. The person who asked the question gets a serious and enthusiastic response. Plus, I sprinkle in other tidbits about myself in hopes that they’ll ask about them, too. Depending on the person they may want to talk about following a passion from when you were younger (I started when I was 4 years old), theater (I have a BFA in Music Theater), being an entrepreneur (I’m self-employed), or the entertainment industry in general.

See what I mean? With a little thought you can turn those repetitive exchanges in life into memorable, interesting moments that won’t be soon forgotten.

I Don't Know & Neither Do You

Earlier this month I read an article about astrology in The New York Times. There were no annotations, no fact checking, no editor’s notes - just the writer going on for several paragraphs too many about their love of astrology and how it had changed their life.

I was dumbfounded to read such useless fodder in the preeminent newspaper in America. I know that you, dear devotee of Thursday Thoughts, already know this, but astrology is a pseudoscience. It has never been scientifically validated and it’s never been verified in a controlled experiment. It’s complete and utter bullshit.

I’m a very skeptical person. (I’m such a Libra.) I don’t believe in anything without evidence, whether it’s a Himalayan Salt Lamp or the biggest scientific theories of our time. It’s important to me to rationalize my beliefs and keep them grounded in the truth. I want others to do the same.

“What's the harm?" I hear you ask, “If it isn’t hurting anyone just let people read their horoscopes and have their fun.”

I’ll tell you the harm: when you act on how you feel instead of what’s real we start to disagree on the truth. This is how we end up in the age of “fake news” and “alternative facts”. Once you start believing in astrology then you may start buying products from Goop, believing in outlandish conspiracy theories, or more. And soon, once you’ve successfully turned off your critical thinking skills, more damaging ideas take hold like Pizzagate or the dangerous anti-vaccination movement.

I know it seems hypocritical to perform as a mind reader while also being skeptical, but I never claim any supernatural abilities. In fact, my mission as a performer has always been to remind people that there are numerous mysteries in the world that we don’t have an explanation for. We don’t need to explain away the unknown with pseudoscience or fringe beliefs. We may never have all the answers and that’s okay.

In these polarized times I think it’s imperative that we remember to weigh the evidence and always question our beliefs, whether Mercury is in retrograde or not. If we could all just be willing to say “I don’t know” then at least we’ve found one thing to agree on and maybe it’ll be a little easier to find some other stuff to agree on, too.

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Other Thoughts:

• If you live in Chicago you simply must check out the Andy Warhol Exhibit at the Chicago Art Institute. It’s incredible.

• I'm at the Magic Penthouse tomorrow night. Don’t miss it!

• Also, we finally had a chance to go to the Starbucks Chicago Roastery aka the largest Starbucks in the world. It’s the most extravagant place to get free wifi in the entire city.

One Month Off Of Social Media

Today is officially one month since I deleted my social media accounts.

You know what? Life is pretty great.

Turns out you have a ton of time for the things you want to be doing when you aren’t spending hours mindlessly scrolling websites that are specifically designed to addict us.

The funny thing is that unless you've read this blog, virtually no one has noticed that I’m gone. No family members have reached out to see what’s going on, no friends have wondered what happened. I’ve had one person let me know they couldn’t find me on Facebook and another person try to send me a message on Instagram - WHY?! - and have to text me instead. Other than that, life is exactly the same.

With my newfound free time I’ve been writing and reading more. I wrote an entire script for a new show I’ve been working on, rewatched some of my favorite movies, and doubled my exercise routine. I’m not worried about what’s trending on Twitter or staying current on social media, I’m only focused on doing the things I enjoy and trying to get better at them each and every day.

Truthfully, it feels like I’ve been off of social media for at least six months. I really wasn’t posting much towards the end. The only difference now is that I can’t login. I can’t see my friends’ posts or scroll through their latest photos. I can’t access my messages and I’m not up on the latest gossip. 

I don’t miss it at all.

I was worried that being off of social media might hurt my career goals or keep me from being informed. Wrong! All of my work comes in the form of e-mail or phone calls, so I’m still just as busy. And I just got a New York Times subscription so I still read the articles and keep up with breaking news without people on both sides yelling at me about it.

Perhaps the most annoying thing of all is when people reference social media away from social media: “Did you see that thing on Facebook about…?” or “Have you seen my Instagram story?” That drives me crazy. I’m really focused on being right here right now and many people are too caught up in the latest online challenge or drama to actually be here with me.

The funny thing is I really believe that this is what most people want, too. They want to escape social media but they’re too scared to walk away.

Someone showed me a post on Instagram and I was unable to hide my boredom, simply saying “Oh, cool.” They seemed disappointed and I could sense a fleeting realization dart across their eyes, as if to say “Oh yeah, this is pretty dumb, isn’t it?” 

I caught up with another friend I hadn't seen for a couple months and asked how they were doing. They said “Well just got back from that trip I wrote about on Facebook and that’s about it.”

I told them I wasn’t on FB any more and therefore I had no idea what they were talking about. And they lit up! I miss that feeling, you know? We used to get such a rush when we had good news to share or something difficult to confide in someone. Now we hurry to the internet to share it with the world without worrying whether it’s helpful or harmful or anywhere in between.

When my friend realized I had deleted social media he started to tell me about where he’d been and what he’d been up to. I could tell he was excited but also that he never did this. No one ever approached a conversation with him without already knowing most of the details. As a result, he’d forgotten how to tell a story. There was no beginning, middle, and end. Turns out when you only have 240 characters to get your point across you start to lose the ability to do it with more.

I think most people are desperate to get off of social media but they don’t know how. It’s simple: you just do it. Stay off for a day. If that goes well, make it a week. Then, go for longer. And don’t fall for the trap that you won’t log on or post but you’ll hang onto the account in case you need to “keep in touch with family or friends”. That’s an easy excuse. You need to delete it if you ever want to rid yourself of the constant impulse you have to sign in and start scrolling. If you really want to keep in touch with someone you’ll find a way. And you won’t have to rely on someone else’s platform to do so.

I’ve been convinced for years that I needed social media to be a good citizen and a successful entrepreneur but it’s not true. That’s just a lie we’ve been sold by corporations in Silicon Valley. You’ll be fine without it.

There was a moment a few months ago when I saw a post on social media that drove me crazy. I fumed about it for hours. I couldn’t get it off my mind. I called my wife to complain and woke up in the middle of the night angry about it.

Then, I stopped.

“What the hell am I doing?” I thought. "This isn't me. How am I letting a few lines of text on a screen get to me so much? Why does it matter? This is not worth my time.” That was the final straw. I’d been thinking about it forever - it was time to finally pull the plug.

That post was cleverly designed to elicit a reaction. That was the whole goal. Someone wanted to stoke the fire and stir up some controversy. They wanted me to complain and get mad and share it with anger and click and comment and write letters to the editor. They wanted to take up a small part of my brain and a large part of my time. And it worked - it fucking worked - but I refuse to let it work on me again.

My wife also deleted her social media last year. She told someone at a party a while back and they said, “But how do you keep up with memes?

Kill me now.

If the main reason you’re on social media is to keep up with memes then you may need to reassess your life. My favorite moments in life have never been on my phone. It’s not a photo or a video or an app or a gadget. It’s not a hashtag or an online challenge or a viral video. My favorite moments are always with people in places doing things that I’ll never forget: seeing the Grand Tetons, riding horseback through North Dakota, skydiving, performing in Dubai, getting married to Stephanie, seeing the ocean for the first time, and more.

I think the reason our phones are so addictive and social media is so popular is that we, as humans, really hate being alone with our thoughts. We don’t like the silence and we hate being bored.

I’m the opposite.

I want to get lost in my thoughts. I want to understand things and philosophize and have long discussions with people about life’s big questions.

I like long runs or car rides or flights where I can get lost in my own head. Being alone with my thoughts gives me time to dream up new essay topics or ideas for my show. Sometimes my thoughts go other places: I can’t get over that dumb thing I said the night before or something embarrassing I said many years ago. But that’s part of life! Coping with difficult feelings is an important and necessary part of my existence. Understanding where I come from, who I am, and how it’s made me into the person I am now are all important parts of getting older and being alive. I want to feel all the feelings and think all of the thoughts…not just the good ones.

Allowing ourselves to be alone with our thoughts is essential. “Oh, that sounds horrible, Mark!” I hear you say. It only sounds horrible because you’ve forgotten how great it can be. You’re so busy distracting yourself with hashtags and trending topics that you’ve forgotten that those things aren’t making you a better person.

Being alone with your ideas, free of distractions and noise, will make you feel more creative, smarter, and less cynical. You’ll start to understand why you have certain opinions, without needing a headline to tell you what to think and feel. You’ll start to dream again, saying “What if I did something like this…?” and remember how exciting it is to actually do something for yourself without needing to show it off to strangers on a website. 

I promise you: it’s worth it.

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Other Thoughts:

• Here’s my reading list for 2020.

• Go here for upcoming shows in Chicago.

• Some big announcements coming soon in 2020 but for now, I’m mostly excited to do shows, run some more races, and travel. Thanks for reading and I hope the new year is off to a great start for you!

2019 Year In Review

Happy New Year!

Check out my annual year in review video:

That’s one second of video for every day of last year. (You can also watch the seconds from 2018, 2017, 2016, and 2015, if you’re interested.)

I love doing the One Second Everyday project because it’s an unpolished, authentic glimpse of a year in my life. Nestled in-between exciting trips and big performances are many cups of coffee, treadmill workouts, and rainy days at home. Every year I look back and see a year full of peaks and valleys, and I’m reminded how much more exciting the peaks are when you can appreciate the valleys, too.

The year started with a trip to Florida for the Orlando Fringe Winter Mini Fest. That festival marked two straight years of festivals around North America. I collected a ton of press and awards, and made dozens of friends with performers from all around the world. But I started to get burnt out, so after the Winter Mini Fest I decided I wouldn’t travel as much in 2019 and just focus on myself.

You know that feeling when someone isn’t into you and it makes you want to get to know them that much more? Well, that’s what happened with traveling last year. As soon as I said to myself “I don’t want to travel as much this year” my phone started to explode with requests for work in all sorts of places. I think I ended up traveling more this year than ever before.

The first big event was in Dubai. It was my first time in the Middle East and I’ll never forget it. Then came a four month residency at the Chicago Magic Lounge amidst events from coast to coast. Throughout the spring I made some appearances on Windy City Live, Good Day Chicago, plus a dozen of the top radio shows, podcasts, and newspapers in the city.

While I was doing the residency at CML I finally got clearance to start running again. After a sprained ankle and broken toe in 2018 I had been taking it easy, but once I went out again I didn’t stop. In the first couple months of spring I ran the Shamrock Shuffle and Chicago 10K. Then, on a whim, I signed up for the Soldier Field 10 Miler. I wasn’t fully trained for it, but it was the best thing I could have done. I finished under my goal pace and was thrilled to know I could finally go for longer distances. So I set my sights on a half marathon in the fall.

After my residency ended at CML I headed to Pittsburgh for a six week run of shows at Liberty Magic. I did six shows a week while I was there. I went to Pittsburgh with a 75 minute act and left with a 90 minute show. Since I was in the same location for a month and a half I was able to focus on other things. Instead of early flights, rental cars, and hotels I could concentrate on writing, reading, running, and more. And, as a result, the show got better and I had more fun doing it.

Something I’ve learned about myself this year is that the amount of shows I’m doing is finally filling a quota for my level of energy. When I was younger I was somewhat hyperactive, mischievous, and full of energy. I thought I was an extrovert. I was loud and a little obnoxious because I had all of this energy with nowhere to put it. But now, I realize that I’m finally channeling that part of me into something useful. I’m using my time onstage to connect with other people in a positive way. Several nights a week, I give people a feeling of mystery, laughter, and an escape from the valleys of their own lives.

With my energetic side fulfilled I’ve found that I am actually quite introverted. Outside of shows I find myself seeking alone time with a book and a cup of coffee. I prefer movies over bars and museums over parties. I am no longer seeking attention in the way I once was. What a lovely realization.

Speaking of movies - I saw some really great ones this year. I highly recommend Parasite, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, Little Women, The Irishman, Midsommar, and Marriage Story. I also saw a brilliant production of Hamlet at Chicago Shakespeare, plus concerts by some favorite artists including Marc Broussard and John Mayer.

Somewhere in the middle of everything I bought a typewriter and sought out a more analog life. I started to really detest social media. It was taking too much of my time. I tried all of the tricks - setting my phone to greyscale, setting timers, not going on apps during the weekends, and more - but none of it worked. I kept scrolling twitter or posting to instagram, but it wasn’t making me happy.

I’ve never been able to build a big following online - offline, though, people seem to really like what I’m doing. I have fans of my live events in Chicago that come to every show I do. So I said back in August that I would delete my social media after I’d tied up a few loose ends. Last month I did exactly that.

The fall and winter were full of corporate and college events throughout the US and Canada. Oh, and I successfully trained and ran the Chicago Fall Half Marathon in a nasty, misty morning that I’ll never forget. I can’t wait to do another.

We also saw Derren Brown's brilliant show “SECRET” on Broadway. In college, when I was feeling a little lost, I found Derren’s work on YouTube and was blown away by his artistic approach to mentalism. I was questioning my career move at the time but that was the push I needed to give it a go. Now, fifteen years later, I’m thrilled to call him a friend.

More than anything, what I'll remember this year is people on their phones. I’ve had to tell people to put their phones down during Broadway shows and Oscar winning movies. I’ve called at least a dozen people out during my shows for causing a distraction, too. My memory of everything I did this year is clouded by people on their phones.

I’m a longtime fan of John Mayer, for instance, and was excited to finally see him in concert. But all I remember is the people on either side of us, mindlessly texting or scrolling their social media feeds instead of being present and appreciating the raw talent onstage. People are incredibly unaware of how their phone use disrupts the experience of other people around them. The glow of your device in my periphery directly relates to how I experience what’s going on in front of me, too.

We saw a Monet and Manet exhibit at the Chicago Art Institute this year - through a sea of cell phones. Hamlet was brilliant, but I can still hear that lady’s ringtone echoing through the theater. Talk about being pulled out of the Shakespearean time period! Not to mention all of the people who constantly bump into me on sidewalks or in the aisles of my neighborhood stores. It’s a shame, but that’s what I remember.

I can’t believe this decade is coming to a close but I’ve always loved new beginnings. In 2020 I’m continuing my push into an analog life. I’m going to work harder on my show and my running and…that’s it. It feels great to be focused and not worried about a dozen other things that don’t matter. And it feels great to be back writing Thursday Thoughts again after a much needed break for the holidays. See you next week!

Right Now

I never wanted to live in Chicago. It was always supposed to be New York.

The pre-internet half of my childhood was full of classic movies, music, and television. I’d watch King Kong climb the Empire State Building, listen to Frank Sinatra start spreadin’ the news, get up early to watch the balloons march past Macy’s, and stay up late to see the ball magically defy gravity until the stroke of midnight. I was captivated by the Big Apple.

“If not New York then I'll settle for Hollywood,” I told myself, and set my sights on either coast. Every thought I had, every song I sang, and every movie I watched seem to pull me in diametrically opposed directions. Movies: LA! Plays: New York City! My own TV show: Hollywood! Musicals: New York!

Between my junior and senior years of high school I went to Chicago for the first (and I’m sure I imagined on that trip, my last) time, to audition for two colleges: New York University (Tisch) and the University of Southern California.

First came NYU, for three very serious people in a very serious room. I had a terrible audition. I was a small town kid in the big city for the first time and it got to me. I was nervous and it showed.

After that, I calmed down and had a good audition for USC. I was more confident and felt better afterwards.

My folks made me apply to the University of Kansas, too, so I would have a back-up plan in case I didn’t get into NYU or USC. I did, but there’s no way I would have gone there. I hate back-up plans and how was I supposed to stay in Kansas when I’d spent my entire childhood dreaming of one of the coastal cities?

Weeks later I got a short letter from NYU letting me know I hadn’t gotten accepted. It was disappointing but I knew it was coming. A few days after that, a large packet from USC arrived and I was accepted into the acting program. I was ecstatic. It was incredible - I would be going to one of my dream schools. (I had done it all thanks to hard work since my parents couldn’t afford to bribe my way in.)

I spent a year in California before my father passed away and I had to return to Kansas. I miserably finished school back home before heading back out to LA to “make it”…whatever that means. I slept on couches, struggled, and failed. Back to the Sunflower State I went again.

Soon after I proposed to my wife and we started planning our next move. We would save money and move to New York instead. I worked multiple jobs and moonlighted as an entertainer, while she finished school. Somewhere between summer and winter (fall, perhaps?) Steph thought we should start with Chicago first. She had friends there. It was closer to her family. She’d never lived in a huge city before. We could start there, then head to NYC after a couple years. “Okay,” I said, “will you be there?” (A longstanding joke with Steph about how I will have fun anywhere as long as I’m with her.)

With the exception of a year-long performance contract at Disney World, we’ve been in Chicago ever since. We moved here in 2011 and we’re coming up on 9 years. That’s about 8 years longer than I’d expected and the truth is, I never wanted to be here.

Most of the time I've still been thinking about LA or NYC and longing for another shot at succeeding there. I’ve spent countless hours comparing the worst parts of The Windy City to the best parts back east and out west. Every year I think we may move out there, then things happen. I dislocate a shoulder or wreck our car; one of us needs surgery or we encounter something equally unexpected, so we crack open our piggy bank like the glass jar in “UP” and use that “big city move money” for something else. Those big cities? Still on the back burner.

But here’s the thing...

I was in LA two weeks ago and it was my least favorite trip to SoCal I’ve ever had. I spent most of the time stuck in traffic. I was able to catch up with family briefly but it was so short that I didn’t really feel like I even saw the city. Usually I go to the ocean or a museum or something, but this time wasn’t special at all.

Then, I went to NY last weekend to see a Broadway show. The trip was fun but unfortunately all I remember is trash piled high on the ground and people constantly getting in my way everywhere I went. The subway was disgusting, the Museum of Natural History was disappointing, and everything is comically overpriced. It’s filthy and smelly and crowded. I’m still in awe of the opportunity and enormity of it all but the shine is starting to wear off.

When we flew in I could see the Chicago skyline beyond the wing of the plane and I had a feeling that I’ve ignored for far too long. I smiled to myself and realized how much I’ve grown to like it here.

At a moment’s notice I get to run along Chicago’s lake front; truly one of the best routes in the entire world. We have incredible food here and it’s allowed me to transform from a picky eater in my teenage years to a bit of a “foodie”. We have amazing museums, gorgeous architecture, and the best skyline views you’ll find anywhere. We have AMCs for the latest movies and a cinema within walking distance that still shows films on film. There’s amazing art - music, theater, comedy, and more - that never ceases to inspire me. And we have a small but amazing apartment with gorgeous views that I share with my best friend and the furriest, sweetest two cats you’ve ever seen. We wake up every day with plenty of space to sip coffee, do our crosswords, and be happy in this small corner of the world that we get to call our own.

Much of my life has been spent thinking about the next thing. The next show, the next year, the next plan, the next move to the next big city. But I’m done with all of that. From now on I’m only thinking about one thing: how lucky I am to be right here, right now.

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Other Thoughts:

• We were in NY to see my friend Derren Brown’s incredible show “SECRET” on Broadway. If you find yourself there before January 4th be sure to check it out. We grabbed dinner after the show and here’s a picture of Derren trying on my glasses before he realized how horrible my prescription is.

• I’m continuing my annual tradition today and running the Turkey Trot here in Chicago. Yet another thing I’m thankful for here in the Second (to none) City.

• What To Watch Next: Check out Mike Birbiglia’s “The New One” and Seth Meyers’ “Lobby Baby” on Netflix. Or “Knives Out” in theaters. I really enjoyed all three!

• Thank you for reading these essays. Wherever you find yourself this weekend, I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful Thanksgiving! As always, I’ll be taking December off from the blog since I’m going to be traveling so much. See you in 2020!

Nuance

A fellow performer (and friend) approached me after a recent show.

“Mark, you can't say that kind of stuff. That’s not okay.”

He’s known for joking around so I thought he was just being ridiculous. But he wasn’t. He was trying to pick apart my act and had taken issue with something I’d said onstage. I was taken aback, especially since I hadn’t done anything wrong.

See, when I perform at a comedy club I do a lot of “crowd work”. Crowd work is unscripted dialogue with the audience, hopefully resulting in a funny or memorable moment. During my comedy club sets I go in search of those moments, hoping something will happen that will create a one-of-kind evening.

Crowd work is a lot like playing with fire. In today’s “woke” culture you have to be careful what you say and who you say it to. If your punchline is directed at someone who can’t take a joke then it can be a disaster. But, that’s part of the fun. Just as in life, you have to take chances to get any where interesting.

I have a few loose "rules" I try to stick to when doing crowd work, including:

• Observe before the show.

• Plan ahead.

• Be fearless.

• Don’t apologize.

• Double down.

• Stay in the joke.

• Compare or contrast.

• Ask questions.

• Always be learning.

Let me break those down for you…

You can’t plan crowd work before you get to the show but as soon as the audience arrives you can start observing. What kind of group is it? What kind of people are they? Are there any standout people with outrageous hair or outfits or other characteristics? What stands out?

I stand to the side to watch the audience and pay attention to anything interesting I see or hear. Then the joke writing begins. By the time I take the stage I already have five jokes ready to go, so you’ll never know which ones are made up on the spot and which ones I came up with earlier. That’s part of the fun.

Crowd work can be really enjoyable since you never know where it goes. But it’s work. You don’t get to relax for a moment. While everyone else is laughing you have to plan ahead. Laughs are extra time for thinking of your next joke.

Usually my next joke is whatever pops in my head first. I try to make the jokes I’d make with a group of friends at a party but that means you have to be fearless. You’re going into uncharted territory but you have to act like this is exactly where you want to go. Otherwise, the audience will sense your nerves and won’t come along for the ride.

Sometimes jokes get a laugh or applause. Other times they’ll get a gasp or an uncomfortable shift in the room. But you can’t apologize. If you apologize once then it’s all over, so you have to double down and expand on the joke. Most of the time you just need an additional line or two to clarify what you were trying to say. Doubling down demonstrates your confidence and the audience will respond accordingly.

Jerry Seinfeld talks about staying in the joke. That means that when the audience is laughing or reacting you have to keep the same energy going. If I’m roasting an audience member and people start laughing I don’t get to break character and start laughing myself. I have to stay in the joke and keep roasting the guy. That’s how you get bigger laughs and create special moments.

Most of my favorite jokes follow the compare or contrast formula. If something funny happens I try to compare or contrast it to something relatable. Recently a guy blew his nose really loudly during a moment of silence in the show. I roasted him for it, asking him if he thought it was going to be that loud. I said, “No, you thought you got away with it. That’s like…” comparing it to something hilarious. Looking for those comparisons takes crowd work to a whole new level. (You can see what I said when the video goes live on Monday.)

If you run out of things to say, just ask questions. Ask the person where they’re from or what they do for work. They’re likely to contribute something hilarious. You’re taking advantage of the fact that people get nervous speaking in front of other people and hoping they will say something you can use for your next joke. Plus, asking questions gives you even more time to plan ahead.

The last component to crowd work is to always be learning new information. You need a large reservoir of knowledge to pull from when you start improvising with the audience. You never know what random trivia you’ll be able to use for a joke. In the past two weeks I’ve made jokes about elevators, crossword puzzles, investors, divorce attorneys, hockey, Mensa, Party City, clowns, and trombones. I try to read as much as possible, pay attention to the news, and study trivia to fill my head with knowledge. I also make notes when I think of jokes and consult the list before each show. You never know what info will come in handy!

As you can tell I put a lot of thought and energy into something that is largely impossible to rehearse or plan. But, I care about my shows being unique to every audience so I think it’s important to analyze every single part of my act.

Before a recent show I couldn’t help but notice a row of five men all dressed in similar sweater vests. The first thought in my head was that they looked like investors. They just had that vibe. I filed it away and went backstage.

Two minutes into my show one of those men called out a funny comment.

“Shut up," I said to big laughter from the room. Then I set my sights on their row. I was ready.

“Look at this row of investors…” I said, riffing on their general appearance. The men laughed, too, so I started asking questions.

Turns out the men were in attendance with their wives but they were all seated in one long line. It was the five men in a row, followed by their fives wives. I couldn’t understand the seating arrangement - if given the choice I would always choose to sit by my wife - and started roasting them for it.

I was asking one of the women to participate but I wanted to find out more. It was just too funny. We’d been making jokes for a couple minutes by this point and everyone was on board.

“Who do you belong to?" I asked, pointing back and forth from the investors to their wives. “Do the seats correspond to each other or what? Which investor is yours?” The ladies were wiping tears out of their eyes. One of the men tried to explain the seating arrangements, which were too confusing to understand.

“I didn’t want to do a Mensa puzzle tonight, I was just making conversation!” and invited my volunteer onstage to help with my next piece.

The problem was that my aforementioned performer friend only walked in before I said “Who do you belong to?” then proceeded to accost me in the dressing room calling me “old-fashioned” and “not woke”. But he hadn’t heard the whole bit. He didn’t understand that I wasn’t talking ownership, I was talking about the absurdity of the seating arrangements. It was part of a larger riff and no one in the crowd ever pulled back. Everyone got the joke, everyone was laughing, and it was a great night.

(The following night, my friend pulled me aside to apologize. He said he’d had a few too many drinks the night before and hadn’t meant what he said. I thanked him for that and all was well.)

My problem with this is that there is no nuance any more. Everyone is so quick to get outraged that we forget to look at the big picture. We forget that maybe a thought needs more than 280 characters to be expressed. Things aren’t 100% right or 100% wrong. Thoughts are messy and people are complicated.

My style has always been to gently make fun of people in the audience. It just works for me to point out the comical way that people behave or respond in the moment. And most people can take the joke. Theater audiences get it. Comedy club audiences love it. Corporate audiences might love it the most, because no one talks to CEOs that way. But I do and they go wild.

But I’ve noticed a big shift in college audiences over the past ten years. At my first college shows a decade ago I would give students a hard time and it would go over like gangbusters. But not any more. Now a silly joke about someone doing something ridiculous can be seen as “shaming” or “name-calling”. And the students don’t laugh. They don’t like it. It’s fine if you want to make fun of yourself, just don’t pick on one of the students. As my wife so brilliantly puts it, they have become “too woke to joke”.

People taking offense at jokes has been in the news a lot over the past several years. Of all the hills to die on, getting offended by a joke might be the lamest. If you don't like a joke that’s fine. You probably just don’t have a good sense of humor. But that doesn’t mean you get a refund or should go write a blog about it.

The joy of crowd work is getting to say the things that everyone is thinking. You get to point out the obvious absurdities that exist in everyday life. Everything is fair game and nothing is off limits. As Dave Chappelle says “I don’t think people pay money to see someone speak precisely and carefully. You have a responsibility to speak recklessly.” I may not always say it perfectly but there’s something fun in watching someone work out their thoughts in front of you.

The funny thing about all of this, of course, is that my crowd work is pretty tame. I’m not making fun of people’s religion or ethnicity or sexual identity. I just find it funny if someone does something a little unusual and can’t help but tease them for it.

The way I see it is that we're all a little ridiculous. We do dumb stuff and make dumb decisions. We have weird thoughts and bad opinions. We’re complicated and nuanced and people shouldn’t expect us to get it right all the time. As a result, we all should be made fun of equally. That’s the world I want to live in.

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Other Thoughts:

• Just saw Noah Baumbach’s beautiful film “Marriage Story” on 35mm at a theater in Chicago. (If you’ve never seen a film on film before you’re missing out!) It goes on Netflix in December and I highly recommend it.

• I’ve already added some shows to my schedule in 2020. Hope to see you there.

• Check out this week’s video: