Dig Deeper

There’s a moment that keeps popping up during a lot of the programs I enjoy. It happens on NPR, it happens on talks shows, it happens on the news.

The interviewer will ask their guest a question, wait for an answer, and then…just move on. They don’t acknowledge the answer. They don’t expand on it or get into a deeper conversation. They just cross that question off their list and ask the next one. It drives me crazy.

I also see this moment happen in live shows (remember those?) that I go to. The performer asks a volunteer a personal question, the volunteer responds, and the performer plunges ahead with their script without even responding to the volunteer’s answer.

When you ignore someone’s response you’re missing on a huge opportunity to create a memorable moment. Chances are the first answer they give isn’t going to be all that exciting, but if you’re willing to dig deeper then you’ll likely encounter something unforgettable.

This is part of the reason why I love long form podcasts like “The Joe Rogan Experience”, “Under The Skin” with Russell Brand, or “WTF” with Marc Maron. Often the conversations on those shows can go on for several hours. They’re full of tangents and interruptions but they always cover interesting, uncharted territory. If I was going to diagram traditional media I would draw a straight line from point A to point B. But a marathon conversation on a podcast? That’s more like a meandering, squiggly line. It’s messy, but ultimately it covers more ground and is much more compelling.

Much of the intoxicating appeal of those podcasts (and others) is the host’s insatiable curiosity to learn as much as possible about their guests. They want to get into the weeds. For every interesting answer they receive, they have 2 or 3 follow up questions. They get philosophical. They get deep. They want to hash things out on the air, even if it isn’t quite as polished as a late night talk show. They don’t have talking points — they’re just talking. And I can’t stop listening.

As always, everything comes down to connection. Every encounter we have is an opportunity to leave a lasting impression on another person. But that’s never going to happen if you aren’t actively listening and acknowledging what other people have to say.

No one remembers the people who barely make an attempt to hold a conversation. But everyone remembers the person who asks thoughtful questions, listens to the answers, and responds accordingly.

The next time you have a chance encounter with someone, pay attention to what you’re doing and treat that exchange like one of those squiggly lines. Don’t be in a hurry to get onto your next question or your next task. Just listen to what they have to say and see where it leads you. Be interested and inquisitive. Dig deeper.

Respond Accordingly

My college roommate was seven feet tall. He still is. He was a starter for the basketball team and now plays professionally overseas. We couldn’t go anywhere together without someone asking him one of two questions:

“How tall are you?” or “Do you play basketball?”

No matter how exhausted or rushed he was he would always answer their question with a serious answer. The people he talked to would always light up when they realized how friendly and interesting he could be.

No matter your career you probably get asked the same questions again and again, too. For me it’s questions like:

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Are you really psychic?”

“Do you read your wife’s mind?”

“What are you doing in my living room?”

The list goes on and on. It would be easy to get tired of answering the same questions repeatedly but I try not to. Like my former roommate, I always treat the people I meet with respect and try to answer their questions as fully as I possibly can.

Several years ago I went to see a fellow performer’s show and stayed to celebrate with them afterwards. While we were hanging out an audience member approached and I could tell they were gearing up to ask my friend a question.

“Great show!" they said. “How long have you been doing this?”

“About two weeks!" my friend responded with a laugh. Everyone around us laughed, too, except for me and the audience member. I watched their expression turn from excitement to disappointment and had a realization: they really an answer to their question.

This person had probably been trying to work up the confidence to approach us for a long time. They had enjoyed the show and wanted to personally thank my friend for the performance. They weren’t aware that they were asking a question that performers always get asked - they were just trying to express interest in what they’d just witnessed.

My friend had heard that question many times and over the years developed a response that he always gave. Unfortunately, he was forgetting that a funny comeback can often end up seeming dismissive or rude.

It doesn't matter what your line of work is you should anticipate that you’re always going to meet people who are interested in what you do and you should respond accordingly. If you were meeting a person you look up to you then you want them to do the same for you.

The great thing about getting asked the same questions repeatedly is that you can prepare your responses. I don’t mean a canned, hacky response like my friend gave, I mean to actually think out a good way to respond that is succinct, interesting, and can move the conversation in a more interesting direction. Besides, you never want to be dismissive because you never know who you might be talking to. It could be a potential client, a lifelong fan, a new agent, or a person who could make or break your career.

For example, here’s how I respond when people ask me how long I’ve been doing this:

“Over 20 years! I started doing magic of the mind when I was about 4 years old and then ended up going to theater school to study performance. I was doing so many gigs to make extra money during school that after I graduated I decided to do it full-time and I haven’t looked back since!”

I think this is a far better approach. The person who asked the question gets a serious and enthusiastic response. Plus, I sprinkle in other tidbits about myself in hopes that they’ll ask about them, too. Depending on the person they may want to talk about following a passion from when you were younger (I started when I was 4 years old), theater (I have a BFA in Music Theater), being an entrepreneur (I’m self-employed), or the entertainment industry in general.

See what I mean? With a little thought you can turn those repetitive exchanges in life into memorable, interesting moments that won’t be soon forgotten.