I used to think I needed to do more.
Offer more, provide more, be more, do more. I assumed having a career as a performer meant I would need to be a jack-of-all-trades. To be a full-time entertainer I would provide entertainment for children’s parties, corporate events, and everything in between.
And that’s what I did. For years.
I’d go from doing a suit and tie corporate event one day to doing a show about books at a public library the next. Once I even dressed as a magical Peter Pan for a birthday party just so I could pay my rent that month. (You can hear me tell the full story on this episode of the WBEZ “It’s All True” podcast.)
The general advice I received was that you needed to be willing “to do it all” if you wanted to do this at all. So that’s what I believed.
Need a birthday party magician? Check.
Balloon animals? I’ll watch a few tutorials and make it happen.
A show themed around educational initiatives? You got it.
And on and on and on.
Being a full-time performer has always been my dream. It’s the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep each night. It’s been that way since I learned my first trick when I was 3 years old.
I’m not exaggerating.
So if you told me I needed to sacrifice my social life to do this or that I could only do shows if I lived with 17 roommates in a one bedroom, then I’d stop hanging out with friends and sign the lease. And thinking that doing “whatever it takes” was the best way to do this meant that I really did whatever it took. I bent over backwards for clients for years. It sucked big time but it taught me everything.
I learned how to talk about myself. I’ve spent countless hours per day for twenty plus years telling people from all places what I do and why it matters. I know how to speak the language.
I learned how to get along with all people. From coast to coast, no matter the event, I had to get along with everyone I worked for.
I learned how to perform anywhere and everywhere. I’ve done bar mitzvahs and summer camps, rooftop shows and back porches. I’ve had some real doozies.
I learned all of that and more, mainly because of one reason. When a client asked “Can you do XXX?” I always replied with my go-to magic word: “YES”. Then I hung up the phone and figured out how to make it happen.
But several years ago I learned that I don’t have to do that any more. I don’t have to be everything for all the people all of the time. I don’t have to do more than what I do.
The truth is, you don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to be more or do more or give more. Just do one thing and do it well. Less is really more.
Even so, I still get strange requests.
People want a certain costume or a custom idea or a different concept. They want to contort and twist and alter what I do. They want to haggle and negotiate and see if I’ll do things that don’t align with my vision.
And when I realize that the event in question isn’t a good fit I start to get nostalgic. I think back to being Peter Pan or getting locked in a room full of screaming children. I think about the bad gigs and the good. I think about how many skills I’ve had to learn to get here and how many sacrifices I made to say I was a full-time entertainer.
Then I smile and politely say my new magic word.
“NO.”
When you stand your ground people sense that you know who you are. They can tell you’ve paid your dues and know where you’re going. They appreciate your candor.
And quite often, they end up doing it your way. You just had to convince them that was what they wanted all along.
There are many paths to take to get where you want to be. But if you’re trying to be too much for too many people, then you’ll lose sight of your final destination.
You have to learn to limit yourself and say no and be willing to walk away.
You have to learn to stand your ground.