Your Trusted Source Of Feedback

Something that’s really helped me in recent years is to only listen to the advice, critiques, and opinions of people that I specifically depend on for that purpose. Meaning, anytime I receive any external criticism I run it by those people first. If they agree, I take it seriously. If they disagree, I dismiss it.

For me, I only trust two people to give me honest feedback: my wife and my writing partner. I know that if something isn’t working onstage they’re going to be honest with me and let me know how bad it is. Likewise, if something is going well I can depend on them to encourage me to make it even better.

The reason this is so helpful is that it eliminates the need to respond to every single piece of feedback you receive. If you don’t have a trusted source for feedback then you’ll consider every comment about your work and they will weigh on your mind. You’ll question your choices, you’ll second guess your latest ideas, you’ll lie awake at night wondering who was right, and you’ll find yourself creatively stifled by the endless stream of conflicting advice coming your way. Conversely, you may only receive positive feedback which only serves to feed your ego, without helping you improve.

When you have a person (or people) whose opinion you trust, then you can differentiate between what you need to work on and what you can ignore. It’s a creative filter that keeps you sane and lowers your anxiety.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people come up to me after a show and say “That was a good show, but…” or “You should do something like this instead…” or, even something along the lines of ”I’ve seen better!” The receiving line after a show can often seem like a real-life version of YouTube comments, where people feel inclined to say things they might never say in normal situations.

Usually the people I trust most will reassure me that those comments are meaningless and I’m on the right track. Since I value their feedback above everyone else’s it makes it easier to forget those kinds of remarks and move on. Typically those comments are mixed in with positive ones, too, but good or bad I’ve learned to always check with the two people I trust to see if they agree. I always know that Stephanie and Frank have my best interests in mind and can count on them to be honest with me at all times.

So, take it from me, find your source of feedback and only trust them. Don’t believe what anyone tells you, except those people. And, when your trusted source of feedback speaks — LISTEN. Shut up and hear what they have to say, because you can count on them to tell you what you need to hear, good or bad, no matter what.

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About Mark Toland

Mark Toland is an award-winning mind reader and two-time TEDx Speaker. His mind blowing skills have been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, NPR, WGN, Sirius XM, and more. Mark’s blog is a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a professional entertainer, full of creative thoughts for creative people. Sign up below so you’ll never miss a post.

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Taking My Lumps

When I first moved to Chicago I went in search of stage time. I knew that if I wanted to improve I would need to get onstage as often as possible.

Eventually I found a small bar near my apartment that did weekly cabaret shows. After a trial show there the host gave me an open invitation to perform whenever I wanted. So I started going there every single week.

Doing weekly shows allowed me to practice new things and learn how to be onstage in front of an often unruly audience. I learned how to handle being heckled and work with unwilling participants. I learned how to perform for a cynical audience and what to do when things went wrong. And, I learned how to make people care.

I remember one night I was trying a new stunt and no one would pay attention. The bar was a long, narrow space with a small stage way at the back near a few tables and chairs. There were probably 10-15 people scattered through the bar that night and everyone had been talking amongst themselves during all of the acts that had gone before me. By the time I went onstage it was clear that I would need to make a big change to my act in order to get control of the room, or I was going to bomb big time.

So, I changed gears. Without a second thought, I moved off the stage and into the house. I stood on a chair without a microphone, and shouted, “Can everyone see me okay?”

Suddenly everyone grew quiet and turned to look at me. I had momentarily gained their attention and knew that I could not relinquish it.

So, I resorted to another trick. I lowered my voice and began performing. You’d think that the best way to get an audience’s attention is to speak louder. It’s not. The best way is to lower your voice while maintaining your intensity. You want people to lean forward so they can hear you better and really pay attention. It’s counterintuitive, I know, but it really works.

“I’m going to show you something absolutely insane tonight, but I will not speak over you. I demand your attention and your respect for the next five and a half minutes.”

I slowly scanned the crowd as I excitedly whispered those words. You could have heard a pin drop in the room it was so quiet. Everyone was sitting in silent excitement, waiting to see what I would do next.

I proceeded to destroy that crowd for five minutes straight.

Without those weekly shows I wouldn’t have had the confidence to take control of the room. I wouldn’t have recognized the challenging crowd or the solution it required. I wouldn’t have known the power of silence or the “lowering my voice” trick. I needed weeks and weeks of stage time in that bar to understand how to work a room.

Before then I was lucky to have a show once a month. I’d do a show, fail miserably, then have to spend four weeks thinking about my mistakes. By the time I got the chance to perform again I had forgotten everything I’d learned and went back to making those mistakes all over again.

That’s how I feel now, doing in-person shows during the pandemic. I’ve only had five live events since March, with several weeks in between. Each show has had a different set of restrictions, a different demographic, and a different environment. The common denominator with each event is that every attendee (myself included) has worn a mask. When you do a show that relies heavily on audience reactions and feedback, the face coverings can make it quite difficult to know if it’s going well.

It’s part of the reason my virtual show has gotten so good. I’m doing several shows a week, even sometimes up to 4 in a day. Doing that many performances has allowed my script and material to get rock solid. I understand how to work the virtual elements of the show, connect with online participants, and keep momentum going during a show. And now I’m starting to do things that I do for my live shows after I perform them a hundred times, like adding in more jokes, building in extra surprises, and refining the finale. I can say, without question, that my virtual show is much, much better than my in-person socially distanced shows — all because I’ve had more time working on one than the other.

In many ways, doing in-person events right now is like being back in the early days when I was just starting out. I’m learning a bunch of things all at once and trying to retain it for long stretches of time between those events. Right now I’m just onstage taking my lumps. It’s a struggle and the progress is slow, but I’m not worried because I’ve been here before.

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About Mark Toland

Mark Toland is an award-winning mind reader and two-time TEDx Speaker. His mind blowing skills have been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, NPR, WGN, Sirius XM, and more. Mark’s blog is a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a professional entertainer, full of creative thoughts for creative people. Sign up below so you’ll never miss a post.

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Setbacks

I was out for a run last week, counting my steps like always.

One. Two. Three. Four.

It was cold, about to rain, but nice enough to get in a few miles.

Get to that tree. No the next. Catch that guy. You’ve got this.

I rounded the curve next to the golf course in Lincoln Park, just hitting my stride, when I came down on the side of my foot and sharply rolled my ankle.

I winced in pain and collapsed on the side of the path. I’ve rolled my ankle before but this was worse. The run was over and I hobbled a mile back home, my foot throbbing with every step.

Another setback.

See, the past couple of years have been all about getting back on my feet. Custom orthotics, physical therapy, special shoes, and so on.

I’ve been a runner most of my life but a few injuries here and there have left me discouraged and stagnant.

This year was supposed to be different.

But then I rolled my ankle and over the weekend I’d wondered if I might have ruined my chances at getting back to marathon pace this year.

Another freakin’ setback.

I’ve had a lot of setbacks over the course of my career. Both big and little things that made me put stuff on hold or go a different direction.

I’ve had so many setbacks.

I moved to Los Angeles after I graduated and slept on couches for a while. I only had $500 to my name and worked tirelessly to find gigs and get my name out there. I’d take the bus two hours to a show then back again several days a week, just to afford my tiny room and a few groceries to get by. After a year, I had made progress with gigs and gotten better - but I was still broke.

Our first year living in Chicago was miserable. My wife and I spent all of our savings just to afford our first apartment. We maxed out a credit card just so I could travel to gigs. I even got in a car wreck and totaled our car. It was rough.

I self-represented myself for a few years, convinced I would meet an agent who would want to work with me. And I did! An agency offered me a spot and promised me big things. Two years later, I had no gigs to show for it and the agency went bankrupt. I was back where I started.

I’ve had so many attempts at weekly shows in Chicago. (Including my current show MIND READER running right now in Lincoln Park.) This will be my seventh year doing a long-running show in the city. I’ve had venues close in the middle of a run, producers not hold up their end of the bargain, and shows have to close due to unforeseen circumstances. It often felt like the shows would come to a screeching halt, without any warning.

So many setbacks.

But you know what’s great?

Looking back I don’t view any of those moments as “setbacks” because every one of them ended up leading to something better.

Failing in L.A. didn’t mean giving up. It gave me the focus I needed to know how I could make this a success. I realized I didn’t want to sleep on couches forever but that I had what it takes to get gigs and be successful. I just knew it would take time. So I took a step back to reassess, get better, and make a plan.

The first year in Chicago might have been a disaster but it led to a year-long job doing my show at Disney World. When I totaled the car, we made a stupid decision to put the insurance money towards a new camera. My wife taught herself to take photos so we could promote the show. It worked. And now she’s opening her own photography studio in Chicago.

Having a failed experience with an agent made me realize to never rely on someone else. I had a fantasy in my mind that an agent meant I had “made it” and would suddenly be successful. But that’s simply not true. If anything, getting an agent just means you have to work even harder, only on different things. I found out that no one can work as hard on my behalf as I can. I’ll get back to you if that ever changes.

And my experiments with weekly shows has culminated in a current run right now. Every run has gotten better. Every performance was been an education. This year will be my longest run yet and hopefully we’ll keep it going for a while this time.

And as for my ankle…it’s luckily not a fracture. Just a sprain. My doctor tells me I’ll be running again by the end of the month. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. You’d better believe I’m going to conquer the Chicago Marathon again this year.

Every single moment of disappointment has led to something better. Sometimes the better moment happened within a week. Sometimes I didn’t realize it for years. But after I got through the initial phase of being “incredibly bummed out” I got over it and made the most of it. And that has always meant that I was better off than when I started.

Another setback…so that means something great is on the way.

Listen

Listen to your audience. They’ll show you the way.

Are they laughing or cringing? Are they invested or distracted? If you can’t tell the difference just listen and they’ll let you know.

Listen to the critics. They’ll say what no one else will.

Savor the positive and learn from the negative. Don’t be defensive and don’t make excuses. This is how you get better.

Listen to the masses. Read the comments and respond in kind.

Sometimes it takes a small remark to help you make a big discovery. Sometimes you need a little reminder that you’re going in the right direction.

Listen to the experts. The answers are there for your taking.

They already made those mistake so you can make new ones. They already forged the path to make it a little easier for you.

Listen to yourself. Be honest, be open, be positive.

You’ll find out what’s best for you. You just have to be willing to listen.